Had we intervened in our own little way, would things have come out this way? This is the question have been asking myself since Monday when i heard of this issue.
I am still stunned and couldn’t believe what is happening, neither is my wife. How could two months old marriage crash just like that without any remedy.
Have been hearing that marriages crash but this one is somehow exceptional and called
for various questions which are still unanswerable as at this moment.
for various questions which are still unanswerable as at this moment.
I relocated to a new apartment which was a twin flat in a compound, my neighbour moved into the compound two months after us even though our money started reading at the same time. This was because they just had their wedding a week before they moved in.
Both of us in the building are young couples, i have been married for three years, we see ourselves as brothers as love birds, four of us in the compound were of the same age mate and our thought from beginning was that we will be able to relate very well with each other as young educated chaps.
Barely two weeks the newly married couple moved in, i called the attention of my wife to the fact that i don’t see our neighbours behaving like a newly wedded couple, at least love should still be in the air and we should be seeing them running over each other but reverse is the case. In fact most times when there was no light, i will be hearing their voice as if they were arguing. Moreover, the wife always wear a not too happy face most times
Gradually we became a bit close with each other, i realized that the husband was an introvert who is always himself and you hardly see him outside while the wife was the opposite. When the husband is not around, the wife will come to our place, we will gist, talk, watch movies, musicals, euro 2016 together.
In fact, i was surprise the wife knows about football and i used her as a reference point to my wife whenever we are watching football as she doesn’t have interest in any sport at all. The husband will call her whenever he comes back and the wife will go and meet her, sometimes she will come back while sometimes she might not come back again.
The first sign we noticed was on a particular day, my wife called her attention to the fact that her husband was back and the response she gave was that “he’s welcome”, my wife inquired if she won’t go and meet her husband and she said she should leave her alone but my wife insisted that she must go, not quite long the husband called and asked where she was before she stepped out of our flat.
As time goes on, the she opened up to us that the husband is like a snake under the green grass and not as quiet as he looks from outside, he doesn’t help her with house chores, his routine is coming back from work and going to bed immediately, he likes sleeping a lot, sometimes they might be talking with each other and the husband would have slept off during the conversation. She complained that house for her is always boring as she could see how me and my wife always relate with each other and the way i always help her with cooking, house cleaning and washing most times.
My wife corrected her that Rome was not built in a day; i was also an introvert even though not as much as her husband but with time she understood me and what is happening was the result.
In the word of my wife “if your husband is so alone with himself, you have to open a communication with him, gist with him, gossip on some irrelevant thing with him, give him task to do for you, if you are going to the kitchen and he is inside, call him to come to the kitchen and keep you company, by talking with you in the kitchen you will be asking him for help like help me take some water, please pass me bowl of salt and magi, you have to mould him to what you want, your marriage is not so long and you wouldn’t have known each other much and don’t compare the life you are living with your parent with your marriage, this is your new home and you have to build it the way you want, you are the mother of the house, you have to take charge and build your home”.
She still complained that the husband will not do any of it but we asked if she has given it a try which she said NO. We told her not to compare us with her own marriage as they will still be like us as time goes on. She should communicate a lot with her husband and exercise patience. I specifically told her that love is not enough in marriage and the ingredient of a good marriage is perseverance, open communication, understanding and patience.
After she left that evening, i asked my wife if i should talk to the husband as guy to guy but she advised i shouldn’t so that it won’t look as if we are putting mouth into their affairs and it shouldn’t look as if any time the wife comes to our place, we always discuss their issue. I agreed with my wife and believed the wife should be wise enough to take charge and make things work out for good.
We were in our flat in the evening when the husband knocked our door and the question that came out from his mouth was “Did my wife tell you where she was going to?” I was surprised but my wife responded that she saw her packing some things this morning and she came to tell her she was travelling and will be back by weekend. The husband said “Do you know that my wife has packed out of the house? She sent me a message that she was no more interested in the marriage, she has dropped my key for me and wish me well in the future.
We went into their flat and the only thing remaining was the chair, bed and the husband’s cloth, every other thing is gone including to something as small as eating spoon in the house. My wife dialed the lady’s number and it was switched off. I noticed i went to their flat in the morning to discuss an issue concerning the compound with the wife, i met a saucy friend of her in their flat that was just talking anyhow and putting her mouth into our discussion, i saw some packed load on the floor but my mind didn’t even go to anything like that.
I remembered i once called the attention to the fact that i have seen the wife like three times taking things out of the house as if someone was traveling, going out with two traveling bag and so. My wife said maybe probably she borrowed it and decided to return it to the owner but i told her then that i suspected maybe she was packing out of the house.
The husband said he also noticed that her belongings were reducing in the house everyday and it got to a stage he started questioning her about where her things were but its either she says her sisters came to borrow her bags or she took her cloths for dry cleaning and they still argued about the rate at which her belongings had reduced in the house before going out in the morning and she swore in the name of God that her things were still intact.
I couldn’t face it when a grown up guy busted into tears in my flat saying he didn’t offend her and they didn’t have any misunderstanding prior before now. Like every marriage, they do have argument but they try as much as possible to settle it like couples do. He started asking what exactly did he do wrong.
The questions have been asking was why go into a marriage which you don’t want? That Monday was exactly two months they got married. I don’t know if there was emotional torture but am very sure there was never a physical abuse between them. Is divorce the next option if you don’t like your husband behavior? I asked the husband how long they dated before the marriage and he said over one and half years. If they were match make, he said NO, he saw her, asked her out and she accepted to date him. The question is WHAT WENT WRONG?
I keep asking myself if things would not have turned this way if we had intervened and shared experience with them as a young couple because apparently i believe they didn’t even witnessed 1% of what me and my wife went through in our first year.
Have called the wife like three times since this incident happened, her friend has been the one picking telling me it was a wrong number, the number her husband gave me himself. The wife’s parent said they don’t know anything about it and her whereabouts but i doubt if the lady’s mum didn’t know about all this.
The wife still respect me a lot and am thinking what i can do to even help, if i can talk her out of her thinking…Please what can i do to remedy this situation. Have sent a text message already to her phone telling her i was the one calling because i know she doesn’t have my number but their hasn’t been any response, i doubt if the friend handling the phone will even show her the text message.
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